Blog | Page 2 of 39 | Katrina Moody

by Katrina Moody on April 20, 2015

Giving Up

Depression … you old friend, you.

In some ways, I’ve spent years getting to this point. In others, I spent years avoiding this moment. In writing this I hope to let you guys in on a little secret.

None of us are infallible. Sometimes we crack. Sometimes we break. And sometimes we give up.

When the weight of the world feels like it is on top of you, every day, it can cause you to be human. When you’re depressed, these normal human emotions and feelings can overwhelm us to the point of inaction (or sometimes of horrible action).

Depression and being a Fangirl – Moments of Clarity

I am a bit of a fangirl over lots of great shows. But let’s go back to the classics for a little bit of clarity. If you’re a fan of the Buffy television show, you might remember a moment late in the 5th season when Buffy admits she gave up.

To recap: Willow has done a spell that allows her to be inside Buffy’s mind, because Buffy became almost catatonic after her sister, Dawn, was kidnapped by the big bad of the season, Glory. Willow wanders through several significant moments in Buffy’s life and comes to a paradox – which is the memory of Buffy placing a book on the shelf in the Magic Box.

Confused, Willow asks why this scene is important and Buffy breaks from the memory to talk to Willow. She explains that this is ‘the moment’ – the exact moment that, in her heart, she gave up hope of defeating Glory. She admits that she gave up and she thinks that’s why Glory was able to get to her sister and why her sister will die.

The dialogue reminds me of what many of us going through depression must feel like:

BUFFY: I felt it. Glory will beat me.
And in that second of knowing it, Will…
I wanted it to happen.
WILLOW: Why?
BUFFY: I wanted it over. This is … all of this … it’s too much for me.
I just wanted it over.

…

WILLOW: You’ve carried the weight of the world on your shoulders since high school … And so, you wanted out for one second. So what?

Dialogue From Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Season 5, Episode 21

Dramatic stuff, right? Dramatic, because we feel that moment so acutely. We’ve all felt like giving up, haven’t we? And if you’ve ever experienced depression, you can also understand that fleeting thought that the world would be fine without you, that you don’t matter, that no one cares.

While not in the world-saving business, I’ve found myself in that headspace. I’ve given up. Oh, I can’t trace it back to a specific moment, but I can trace it back through years of lying. Lying to myself and to others. To you.

I’ve spoken of my struggle with depression before, but I’m afraid I haven’t been nearly as honest about it as I should have been. To you or to myself.

I have struggled with depression for years. I’ve always fought the good fight, tried to stay positive, tried to support others. Until I couldn’t.

I couldn’t write. I couldn’t encourage others. I couldn’t even think straight, it seemed.

I gave up. And rather than face those demons, I flirted instead with the idea of just never writing again. Because I didn’t want you to see the real me.

Rather than tell you about the very real struggle I’ve been facing, and rather than admit that I’d given up on ever feeling okay again – I locked myself away. In doing so, I have up the larger fight as well – because in fighting depression I didn’t just fight to be positive for a moment here and there – I fought to hold onto dreams, passions – my very life.

I gave up. I didn’t tell any of you about it. Because … well, I’m not sure. Maybe it was easier? Maybe I just didn’t have enough energy to try and be honest? Or maybe, because I didn’t want to associate my own personal demons with the very real pressure of being a mom. Or to the very real, and sometimes overwhelming, call to do things perfectly.

So here I am. It’s been over a year since I last wrote anything for the Cafe. Probably a couple years since I wrote meaningfully.

Well, guess what. This is me. I’m real. And sometimes real people have issues. They deal with things in unhealthy ways. They make choices they shouldn’t. They withdraw from the good things in life because everything feels too overwhelming. Real people deal with depression.

An Important Cavaet

I want to address the elephant in the room.

I am depressed and I am a wife and mom to some guys with awesomeness, and while those facts are undoubtedly related, I am NOT depressed because of what our family has been through.

Depression is a mental illness – and while it reacts to the awesome and the horrible things in our lives, it doesn’t depend on those things to assert itself. I am not depressed because I was blessed with these amazing guys to raise or because my husband has health issues, or even because I didn’t get enough hugs as a child (I threw that in, it’s totally not true). I’m depressed because that’s the nature of the beast.

Sometimes people get depressed. It sucks. You do what you can to deal with it, to cope with it, and to move forward from there (notice I didn’t say move on).

I gave up. Not in one moment, but over many moments, years’ worth of them. Depression won out for a while. And when I could finally fight again, I still didn’t have enough in me to write about it.

I’m still depressed. Not as badly as before. But it’s still a part of who I am. It always will be.

But I am done giving up. And I’m done hiding. From now on, what you see is what you get.

I can’t guarantee it’s always gonna be pretty. But it’s 100% me.

I encourage you to take a deep breath and consider whether you’re sharing the real you. 100% real. It’s far too easy to try and present the positive all the time when we live so much of our lives online.

But folks, that’s just not the truth. It’s not real.

In coming posts, I will talk more frankly about my earlier struggles with depression – it’s not pretty – because I think it’s beyond important that other mothers, other caregivers, understand that we don’t have to be perfect. We’ll never be able to measure up to that standard. But we don’t have to give up on living.

One Last Thing – Having Faith and Depression

I’ve written about my faith many times. When I was younger, I used to think I was a horrible Christian because I dealt with depression. Sometimes purposely, sometimes without even knowing, our friends and family can use our faith against us.

When we’re already hurting, hearing that if our faith in God was just a little stronger doesn’t help me come closer to Him. When we’re in crisis, it’s very hard to get down on our knees and pray for the help we so desperately need.

I encourage you to hold to your faith, even if you find it difficult. It’s through the storms of life we realize we need Him the most, sometimes. You CAN be a Christian and still be depressed.

Repeat that if you need to. I’ve dealt with the gamut of supportive to unsupportive folks in my Christian family when I admitted feeling depressed.

Maybe we touch on that again later. Just know that if you’re a Christian and have struggled with depression – you aren’t alone. I’m right there with you.

I don’t think it makes me a failure of a Christian or even that it shows that I am unfaithful.

Instead I think it shows I am human. And so are you.

I know that not all the Cafe readers are believers, and that’s okay, but I wanted to put that out there. As sad as it is, I’ve heard it far too often to ignore.

A few notes – on Reaching Out

If you or someone you love is depressed, I urge you to find help. In the real world, depression isn’t something you can magic away, and generally speaking the underlying problems associated with why you are depressed can’t be solved in an hour of witty conversation and angsty tears.

It’s an ongoing battle. There are a LOT of places you can get help, though. From reaching out here (seriously) to finding a safe place to chat with a counselor online or by phone, you can take steps to feel better. There are campaigns out there in lots of different corners to help support those who are depressed as well as their families. Google is your friend. But here’s a few resources to get you started:

The Crisisline, online and they have phone numbers listed. http://www.suicidepreventionandcrisisservice.org/spv_crisisline.html

The NIMH (National Institute for Mental Health) – what’s depression and when to seek help: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/index.shtml?rf=3247

I can’t overstate enough that if you are in crisis and think you could hurt yourself or someone else, seek help now. 9-1-1 is always a valid option in a crisis.

So … this was a bit of emotional craziness in an already crazy world, right? Well, I have been working on this post for weeks, writing and re-writing this section or that section because I wanted to be honest – but wasn’t sure I should be ‘that’ honest.

And I’m done. This is me. Honest. Real. What you see is what you get.

by Katrina Moody on May 13, 2014

Geeky Tools: FontIcons – Custom Font Kits for Your WordPress Site

A brand is nothing without personality.

One of the easiest ways to mix it up and show a little personality on any site, including your business site is by using fonts. You can easily use a Google Font in your site, or embed a custom font, but few things imbue more personality than going just that little bit further and playing with an icon font.

Icon Fonts like Font Awesome allow you to Present a Visual Message Efficiently

Font Awesome rocks! The problem is that Font Awesome has over 300 icons included – awesome to play with, but overkill for most sites! And most people go to the trouble to embed them and only use them for their social media icons – or to head up a services section on their site.

And that’s sad, really. Because until Fonticons, most WordPress folks embedded the whole font library. All those icons sitting unused! Not only that, but what a waste of resources and load times!

Not only that – but you saw how many sites are using Font Awesome? That’s a lot of folks sharing a lot of the same design elements on their site.

With Fonticons though, you can go one step further – you can easily pull in your own custom icons too. That makes this a geeky resource that is very useful and full of awesome sauce!

Fonticons is pure awesomeness for those of us who like geek out over icon fonts …

Dave Gandy, the icon design genius behind Font Awesome and one of the guys behind the scenes at Fonticons, summed up the benefits of using Fonticons with a tongue-in-cheek “… the message is ‘icon fonts are awesome!'”

I was pretty excited to dig into all the offerings, and I have had a lot of fun playing with my first custom kit. But I am a curious Kat – I wondered how the idea for a service like this was started. I was especially curious about the actual process of putting a custom font together. And the geek in me couldn’t resist thinking about the effect this would have on load times (important things!).

Gandy’s background as a designer and his experience with Font Awesome helped him see a need for something beyond the Font Awesome icon font library. Like most web designers, he knew the pain of integrating good icons in a website:

A bit over 3 years ago, I was complaining about how much of a pain it was to put good icons on a website. PNGs, sprite maps, CSS backgrounds, and waaaay too much time in Photoshop. So I made Font Awesome and open sourced it. It’s now on 33 million websites and growing at a considerable rate. But it’s not perfect. What if Font Awesome isn’t the exact look your site needs? What if you want to add your own icons? So we made Fonticons so people can get the perfect icons on their website.

~ Dave Gandy, Creator of Font Awesome and other icon sets, and one of two guys behind the awesome Fonticons

Wow. 33 million sites and growing daily – that’s the kind of impact Gandy’s Font Awesome has had on the web design community. That’s staggering! That totally deserves a tweet:

[bctt tweet=”33 million sites and growing daily – that’s the kind of impact Gandy’s @FontAwesome has had on the #webdesign community.”]

Considering that Font Awesome is one of eleven fonts available within Fonticons, the kind of impact and potential of such a tool is really mind-boggling! Fonticons (pronounced like emoticons with a font for the emot *grin*), is an exciting new tool for sure!

If you weren’t sure of just what the potential this kind of tool could have, let’s break down the benefits.

With Fonticons…

You aren’t limited by one massive library of font icons (I LOVE Font Awesome but it’s a big bite of code!).
You don’t have to worry about dozens of little images, whether they are low-res, blurry and horrible to look at.
You can say goodbye to sprite maps (believe me – I’d celebrate over that one all by itself!).
Use CSS instead of Photoshop for styling – your site load times will thank you!
Speed up your site by integrating JUST the icons your site needs (or wants!)
Use Fonticons’ Global CDN for lightening fast load times and integration into your site!
Dude! You can copy and paste your own icons straight from Illustrator CC! That deserves an

Convinced of the Awesome Creds and Potential Behind Fonticons?

Then how about we dig into how it works so you can see just how easy it is to build a kit to use?

I’ll show how you can add a little bit of personality in an awesome, non-overwhelming kind of way.

the coolest thing since sliced bread …

So, you know how absolutely I think is, right?

Okay, okay … I HAD to play a little! Ready to get serious with me?

A Brief Introduction to Fonts

So you’ve heard of fonts, probably even know what Google fonts or other custom fonts are all about. Maybe you’ve tried your hand at embedding them in your WordPress site? A font for consistent typography throughout your blog – as in all the headers, all the body text, etc – is a little different than the kind of font we’re going to be looking at.

The concept is the same – but if you aren’t familiar with font icons this will seem like a very cool new idea to you. (And if your geeky little heart knows all about it, wait ’til I blow you mind with the specifics of this tool!)

Icon fonts are for highlighting, expanding and illustrating ideas in a visual way. They’re like the cherry on top of your ice cream cone.
[bctt tweet=”#Icon fonts are like the cherry on top of your #typography – they highlight, expand and illustrate ideas in a visual way. “]

Getting Started with Fonticons – Start small and Grow

To get the most benefit out of Fonticons, you need to consider what you want to use an icon for on your site. Social Media icons? Post format icons? Category icons? Extra design elements? Personality?

Think about what icons you need, and then you can use Fonticons to build the kit you need based on what you want for your site.

That’s it for today – while I wanted to go over the actual how-to of using the Fonticons site, that will have to wait for tomorrow. Otherwise this post is likely to turn into a short book!

Watch for the How-To Fonticon post tomorrow, and I already planned to followup with a WordPress How-To on how to integrate Fonticons in your site properly (there’s a little bit of code and geekery there!)

In the meantime, check out some of the things you can do with Fonticons:

Go up to the logo in my header and you can see a three-piece logo for Kat’s Media. I put it together to test out Fonticons and to play with transitions and hover effects in CSS. You like?

My logo is tame compared to the Fonticons one. I did a quick screen recording of the hover effect – see what you think!

While you couldn’t miss the icons sprinkled in this post – check out the home page of my site and see another simple example – the briefcase midway down the page and above my services? Inserted with some fun Fonticons and a tweak to my CSS.

Curious about Fonticons or integrating custom font icons in your site? Let me know any questions you have – I’ll make sure to address them in the next post.

by Katrina Moody on April 30, 2014

Autism: Unique is Awesome – Expressions of PosAutivity: #AutismPositivity2014

Let’s Mold Different Perceptions of Autism and Autistic People

When Suzanne Wright penned her opinion piece for Autism Speaks last November, she didn’t inspire me to action, she didn’t help anyone understand the spectrum of Autism, she didn’t help autistic people (adults or children) feel valued and respected.

If you haven’t read the letter you can Google for it, I refuse to link to it. I know there are some parents who feel Autism Speaks really does speak for them and their experience in dealing with autism. But after seeing her words literally call my kids a tragedy, imply that they are missing, imply my kids and others who happen to be autistic are singlehandedly destroying their families, their parent’s marriages …

I was convinced that someone somewhere at that organization had lost touch with the Autism I know and love. And they don’t know the autistic folks I know – because the adults and children I know, including the ones I adore and love and call my own – they are amazing, beautiful and unique people.

Respect our Differences – even our Differences in Opinion

I found, over the weeks and months that followed, that I was increasingly sensitive to the negativity, the almost dehumanization, that seems to accompany some forms of autism awareness. Even some parents would use words to describe their experience that made me flinch. Maybe they were having a bad day, or they were just at a different point in their journey, but it made me increasingly uncomfortable.

Why was I so sensitive?

Not because their experience of feeling overwhelmed was wrong … it’s not about being right or wrong … it’s because the negativity was becoming harder for me to deal with. I actually wrote a friend in a panic wondering if something was wrong with me. I found myself upset by these posts because they seemed to be all I was reading.

Let me reiterate that there’s NOTHING wrong with parents venting and dealing with their experience in their own way. And sometimes I vent too … BUT I follow a few rules …

Our Rules of Posting:

I don’t share deeply personal things in a public forum – when I post something or ask for prayer I won’t always include all the details (sometimes even friends-only can end up letting a LOT of folks see that private post).
If I share something about my husband or my kids publicly, I ask myself if they would mind having it out there. And if I can, I ask them (Bobby and Andy always have final veto power over what I publish, and while Logan isn’t able to verbalize his wants yet, my goal is to share with respect foremost in mind).
I’m careful of details I put in groups, too – Facebook Groups (and most groups and forums online, honestly) come with three different levels — Open, Closed, and Secret. You must assume ANYONE can see something if you post it in an open group, and should assume your own risk in other groups. Trust the people in the group before you share to even a secret group, because once it’s out there, it’s out there.
Ask yourself this: Do you need to vent? Could it hurt my child’s feelings? Could it embarrass them unduly?
There’s more but that’s the biggest part of my own internal checklist (please leave your suggestions in the comments!). There are safe places to vent, and there are safe places to go if you need help, or if you are in crisis. Please reach out to me if you need to hook up with any of those or if you just need an ear.

When we’ve stayed up all night I’ve been known to mumble on FB or Twitter about the expanded need for coffee 😉 I tend not to share something if it would put any of my kids in a negative light. Generally, the public doesn’t need all those details – and I want to respect my guys’ privacy. Everyone has their own level of comfort here, but I encourage everyone to consider what theirs is.

Back to the point – Negativity hurts me, and it’s okay to recognize that!

I was hurting and I was struggling … and I felt like I was alone in a sea of others sharing the constant negativity. I felt alone. The continuous negativity was making it hard for me to find a place of balance.

I understand that we’re all on our parenting journey and while we sometimes walk similar paths we won’t all arrive at the same destination, nor will we take the same paths to get there. My autism, my autistic kiddos, are not your own.

But respect those who see it differently.

Different Paths to Love

Because there are so many parents, walking so many paths, arriving at so many of their own destinations, it’s understandable that we’d stumble across each other. In forums, on social media, in groups … we often see that paths the we are walking are similar and we talk, we cry, we share … and we love.

But we don’t always agree.

I often hear in parenting groups the words ‘my autism is not your autism’. And there is a poignant truth to that statement. But there is also another side to consider. At any given time, we have the power to look at autism, to look at the autistic person we love, we have the power to look at them and see their beauty. Not the physical beauty, but the sheer individuality that shines from them and how they view the world around them.

My guys are all on the spectrum, but they are as different as night and day. They each have strengths and weaknesses. The weaknesses do not represent tragedy, they do not overshadow the strengths they have, but compliment them instead.

These days, Bobby is highly verbal, happy and excited – I call him a happy rocker because when he’s excited he rocks (a lot!) with a huge grin on his face. He loves the world and the people in his world. He sometimes becomes anxious and overwhelmed and he sometimes needs help to decompress. He sometimes needs help to find his words.

Andy is my quirky guy. Unless you were familiar with autism you wouldn’t see it when you look at him. He’s worked hard and grown into a young man who’s both serious and happy. He sometimes has trouble understanding the social clues around him and will ask us questions to help figure those clues out. He’s highly verbal, an academic at heart, a little bit of a comic geek and he loves to draw. He can sketch just about any comic image freehand and loves his art!

Logan is my mischievous little man who has an easy smile and an addictive laugh. He reacts to music and seeks out sensory experiences with a passionate determination. He’s still learning how to communicate and sometimes has trouble getting us to understand what he wants. He gets frustrated when he can’t show us what he wants. He needs more help and support, but he’s a consistently happy little guy.

When Autism is more Challenging

Yes Logan has more needs, right now, than his brothers do. Yes he has more challenges and he still hasn’t found all his words yet. Yes he sometimes gets frustrated and he can’t always access the few words he does have. All the bits and pieces that make up Logan’s autism, that make it more challenging, or maybe challenging in a different way, are still part of him. I’d be lying if I said it was all amazing all the time – we have difficult times too.

Yes, it can be tiring and frustrating and even sometimes a little scary for us – but we always try to see how HE is feeling, what HE is trying to communicate (because we firmly believe all behavior is communication).

I feel bad when I hear parents say that their kid has more severe autism and therefore you can’t be expected to fully understand just how hard it is for their family, how much having a ‘cure’ would mean because it would allow their child to be normal.

As difficult as it is when we are having a challenging day; those hard days don’t happen all the time – instead we have sleepless nights or rough afternoons or even frustrated mornings.

But here’s the thing … the point … the thing we hold onto … it isn’t all bad all the time. Not even a good chunk of the time.

Because beyond all that, I CAN see his smiles, his laughter, his fascination with even small things like raindrops (he loves them!) and leashes, cords, strings … we see the other side of the path, the beauty, the uniqueness too.

When all you read is negativity, when all you see is how horrible autism is, when all you read is the bad, the fear, the shame … how do you know to look beyond to the individual? How do you learn to look for the beauty? My problem with seeing so much written by folks who seem trapped in that mentality is NOT that they show the negative, but that they rarely, if ever, show you the positive.

When you look FIRST for the positive, the negative ceases to be quite so overwhelming, even when you can recognize it and accept it. Even when you want to cry and rage and scream because it’s hard. You claim the good and the bad; you know that nothing good in life comes without hard work and sacrifice, without dedication.

Our boys are each amazing and have worked hard to be where they are today. They each have a special way of seeing and interpreting the world around them. They are each autistic, they are different, they are unique, and they are awesome.

I get that not all folks see autism the same way, but for me and my family, autism will be nothing to fear, nothing to stigmatize, nothing to demonize. It’s just another piece of who they are.

by Katrina Moody on March 13, 2014

Nominate Awesomeness for The #GreatBikeGiveaway!

Last year, Andy learned how to read his ten-speed bike and blew his dad and I away with how much he loved it.

Watching him as he rode his bike, the grin on his face was huge and carefree, his face was turned to the sun occasionally, and he just looked so FREE and happy. He might have been 13 when he finally ‘got it’ but he was no less awesome for finally understanding the joy of riding his own bike, and he can’t wait for the weather to warm up again so he can be right back out there riding again this year.

As happy as I was for him, and as proud as I was too (let’s be honest!), I don’t know if Bobby and Logan will be ever find the right bike to let them do the same, to feel that free and awesome … adaptive bikes or not. But hopefully we’ll find out some day. Bobby is just too scared, and since his field of vision starts petering out about 2-3 feet away it makes sense that not seeing the ground *might* be a little unsettling for him. Logan … while he has vision issues too, I think he’d be a rider if he could coordinate the actions – he loves all kinds of vestibular motion.

See, that’s where an adaptive bike comes in … we’ve been thinking it might be time to try and get Logan and/or Bobby a bike of their own to try – if only we could figure out one that worked for one of them! It’s a bike, adapted to meet the different needs of kids with awesomeness.

Here’s Where the Great Bike Giveaway Comes in!

I want my other guys to have the same experience Andy had when he figured out how to truly ride and enjoy his ten-speed. I want other kids with awesomeness to feel the same way too! The Great Bike Giveaway will help give children with all kinds of special needs the same feeling.

For the third consecutive year Friendship Circle is holding the Great Bike Giveaway, a national contest giving away adaptive bikes to children with special needs. They are partnering with tons of sponsors (located at the bottom of the post – give them some love!) to give away adaptive bikes to children and young adults with special needs.

Why The Great Bike Giveaway?

Many children with special needs miss out on the childhood joy of bike riding because their physical or cognitive limitations make riding a bicycle near impossible. The Great Bike Giveaway will give children and young adults with special needs the chance to win an adaptive bike and have the feeling of pride, freedom and confidence that bike riding brings.

After seeing the joy Andy finally experienced riding his bike last year, I feel more inspired than ever to push the Great Bike Giveaway this year – I want that same free spirit and excitement for every child, regardless of their unique abilities. Yes, I want it for my own kids, but I want it for a TON of other kids too!

And that’s where YOU come in!

How The Contest Works

Adaptive bikes are tailored to a child’s needs. To meet the needs of the recipients in this contest, a separate contest is held for each bike type. The contest starts with two bikes of each type and money is raised to add more bikes as the contest progresses. Last year the Great Bike Giveaway ran 6 different contests and gave away a total of 29 bikes! This year they are hoping to give away 75 bikes to individuals with special needs.

Each bike page has a space where users can enter the contest. Submit a picture of your child with special needs along with a short explanation of why your child needs an adaptive bike.

We’re still deciding if we want to do this for one of our guys or support another Cafe friend’s nomination – but even if we put in one of the guys for their own bike we can still support any Cafe friend who wants to enter their child! Leave a link to your nomination in your comment and we’ll put a post together just for Cafe friends to support!

From the winner of a Parent: Judd, received his Rifton tricycle that he won through your bike giveaway. He loves it so much. His first time out with it , he pedaled .75 miles! Everyone at the track had a smile on their faces watching him enjoy his bike. The biggest smile there belonged to him though.

Two Ways to Win

Most Votes
One bike in each contest will be given away to the entry with the most nominations. Nominations are received from friends and family clicking the “nominate button” on an entrants submission

Bike Raffle
All the remaining bikes will be placed in a drawing. To be eligible for the drawing each submission must be nominated by at least 50 friends and family members.

How You Can Help

Whether you have a child with special needs or not you can help more children with special needs win an adaptive bike.

1. Donate To Add More Bikes

In addition to the bikes that have been sponsored, Individuals have the ability to donate to the Great Bike Giveaway to get more bikes added. Every time the donation meter is filled another bike gets added to the drawing!

2. Share and promote

Let as many people as possible know about the opportunity to win an adaptive bike by sharing the the contest via your social networks and email. You can also check out the resources page for additional tools you can use to share the contest.

Contest Timeline

March 3rd 12:00 pm

Contest begins! Photo submissions will be accepted.

March 25th 11:59 am

Contest submission deadline, no entries will be accepted after this time.

March 26th

Drawing (Drawing date is tentative and subject to change) Will be held and winners will be announced.

To enter the Great Bike Giveaway visit www.greatbikegiveaway.com For contest rules visit www.friendshipcircle.org/bikes/rules.

A Special Thank You To the Sponsors

by Katrina Moody on March 6, 2014

Words Hurt – it Really is That Simple

The r-word campaign is all about respect, and acknowledging that the more people that know about how derogatory the r-word is, the better. The r-word stands for ‘retard’ and the campaign is about pledging NOT to use that word.

The Cafe’s Facebook Page was jumping yesterday as I tried to share tons of posts related to the Spread the Word to End the Word campaign, and I was reminded often of the good in people as so many came together to celebrate awesomeness in all forms.

Only a few comments surfaced of people who didn’t really agree with the campaign, and that’s okay, not everyone needs to agree with me all the time. But …

But, I wonder if you are fighting for the reason you think you are fighting?

Bobby’s Words – It Really is that Simple

My guys each jumped at the chance to take a #RespectSelfie with me to commemorate our r-word pledge. While I had to tickle him for the grin, Bobby was very specific about ‘not liking that word’ because ‘it’s a bad word’. And I couldn’t help but think that it really was that simple.

Bad words, in our house anyway, are words that make others feel bad, that make fun of others, or that are downright mean. We have several words that we equate to true naughty words, and the r-word is on that short list. Why? Because it’s a bad word. It makes my guys feel bad – about themselves, their brothers, their family, their friends.

My guys know that when we hurt someone with our words, it’s a bad thing. It doesn’t matter what those words are.

Why Use the Word ‘Retard’?

I saw many different arguments against the campaign on the Cafe wall and as I toured other pages and while I don’t seek to address them all I thought I would pull one of the biggest points out to discuss.

One of the most frequent points others make is that banning a word doesn’t make any sense, or that it’s against their free speech to say they can’t say a specific word … and here’s my response to that.

There are certain words that are so filled with negative connotation for some groups of people that they literally cause harm – for some African American’s the n-word is like this, as are many other racial slurs. It’s commonly accepted that most people won’t say those words in polite society. Not because they offend them personally but because they recognize that those words are demeaning towards entire populations of our friends and neighbors.

How is that different from the r-word? An entire population of people are being offended by that word – they are HURT by that word, at a visceral level. These are our sons and daughters, our siblings, our friends and neighbors … it is this entire community that is stepping forward to ask you, please, not to use that word.

Is there a law against it? No. Government isn’t making a law asking you not to act like a douche, this community of folks full of awesomeness and those who love them are. They’re asking you – please don’t act like an … well, like a not nice person. As Bobby would say, it’s a bad word. It’s mean to say it.

No one is threatening your “rights” – unless you are threatened by the thought of acting decently?

It’s a Bad Word – and Bad Words can Hurt

Sure, we can teach our kids to ignore people who say that word, and we will. But is it asking too much to ask you to think before you say a word that demeans an entire community of awesome adults and kids who just happen to have an intellectual disability?

I really don’t think it is. Think before you speak. Pick words that make your point differently, don’t stoop to being *that person* who can always be counted on to be rude. There’s an entire population of amazing people who’d sure appreciate it.

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by Katrina Moody on March 2, 2014

Making Baskets

I watched Bobby make his first basket yesterday and clapped, yelling out “Way to go, Bobby” grinning from ear to ear as if I were the one who made a basket.

We were at his Special Olympics basketball practice and, while Bobby had specifically figured out HOW to get that ball into the basket earlier this week, this was my first chance to witness this amazing feat. Amazing, because it’s taken him a LONG time to do that. The fact is, we don’t know how much he can see outside his 2-3 foot main field of vision, because Bobby is legally blind.

So, seeing him make that basket was like a bit of a miracle for me – and there were definitely tears in my eyes as a grin stole across my face.

But he had made baskets earlier this week – Jim took Bobby and Andy to the YMCA a few days before and was thrilled with how far Bobby and Andy both had come in their skills – and he was just as proud then as he described to me the wonderful sight of Bobby actually making a basket.

The Admission … At first I didn’t Hear Him

When Bobby came home talking about making baskets at school that day I wasn’t paying attention. I was so busy, you see, that I didn’t actually hear how proud he was or understand the infliction of pride in his voice.

In fact, I was trying to figure out when they started basket-weaving at school, with a small frown on my face, when I realized what he was actually saying a couple minutes later. Hey, at least I did figure it out!

But I confess, honestly, I was too busy trying to finish some project at the time, because I was busy! And I almost missed the importance of Bobby’s big announcement. I almost didn’t hear him.

And by default I almost didn’t hear Him. You know, the head honcho, the big guy upstairs … Him.

He was busy screaming at me to Stop! Listen! Engage! Be a mom! Be proud! Be THERE. See the gift He gave us.

Because I know all good things come from Him – just as I know that Bobby making a basket, or a dozen baskets, or fifty of them … him making baskets isn’t about getting that ball into the basket. Oh, to Bobby right at that moment it is. But really, each of those baskets are small moments representing the whole.

A life well-lived. A life filled with wonder and excitement, a little innocence. A life that is a blessing.

No, to me, Bobby making baskets is about understanding that all things truly ARE possible if you believe; it’s about recognizing that my kid can see well enough how to really enjoy life enthusiastically.

It’s not easy to remember God sometimes … in the midst of rushed meetings, family dinners, fast food dinners, sports, lessons, school, work … in the midst of LIFE, we sometimes forget that our families are gifts from Him, our time spent with our kids and spouses something to cherish. To remember. To hold dear.

Making baskets. It turns out that it’s a really big deal. And not just for putting the ball in the basket.

Because life is lived in the small moments.